Parenting decisions

The autism struggles in our house are no secret. I've written many times before about meltdowns and therapies. Tonight though, my heart is burdened because of another side of this disability. G is at a place in his development where friendship is important. Great, right? This is a neurotypical part of life. But watching my boy maneuver the rocky road here is breaking my heart.

He wants friends. Desperately. He knows the term "BFF" and can be the most fun guy in the room. He can also meltdown without a moment's notice. He lashes out at those he loves the most. Then after it's all over, he genuinely doesn't understand why they won't play with him.  We are working on this. Every. Single.  Day. It gets harder though when you are also dealing with those children's parents.

For example, G had a very good streak going last week.  He'd shown some great helping skills, kept his composure most of the time and was promised ice cream on Friday afternoon. We invited a classmate and his mom to come along with us. They agreed that morning but changed their minds by the afternoon. G was devastated. In his mind, his friends had lied to him.  No matter of explaining that this wasn't a lie would console him. He and I went anyway, but it wasn't the same for him.

Later that night, the boy's mom sent me a text. Seems that G hit someone during the day and they didn't feel G should have been rewarded. It wasn't as blunt as that.  My friend loves us both, but in that moment, that is what I heard and felt.

First I got angry. I am his mom and if I want to give him ice cream every damn day of his life, that is my prerogative. Then I was sad. Even my closest friends don't get it. Yes, he hit someone but looking back at his track record, this week was golden! And the child he hit didn't hold a grudge. It had nothing to do with the family we'd invited for ice cream.

So now what? I'm trying to walk through this with love and forgiveness, but I'm hurt. My school family sees how hard we struggle just to be "normal" and yet the judgement is still there. Am I not doing enough? Am I parenting the wrong way? Or is my son going to forever live in a world that doesn't understand him? Will he ever have true friends that will stick with him through the hard parts and see that loving heart underneath? God help us both as we travel these uncharted waters.