The man I'm dating right now and I are going through a rough patch. We've been arguing for about a week now and can't seem to get our groove back. G notices that D hasn't been around as much and he's seen me cry over some of the arguments. We haven't done any of it in front of G. I've been careful to shield him as much as I could. In this age, texts are a blessing and a curse.
Tonight we seemed to come to a mild understanding and decided to plan a date for Friday. I called Nana to see if she can watch G for me. As I'm explaining to G that he gets to spend some time with his grandparents, he starts shaking. He tells me that he doesn't want me to go. Let me say that this is 100% not the reaction I expected. He LOVES to go to their house. Begs for it! As I pressed him a bit, he started burying his head in my shoulder. Then he quietly said, " I don't want D to get mad at you and hit you."
I felt my heart hit the floor. D had never even hinted at violence. G was remembering his dad. This poor kid. I spent the next half hour reassuring him that D was not that kind of person. I promised him that if I had even the slightest hint of that sort of behavior, I would never date him. I think he understood, but I am so afraid that he will have that fear in his heart forever.
He took his bath, played for a while and then it was time for bed. As I tucked him in, he began crying hard. This time he was asking what would happen if D and I broke up. I tried to explain that if we broke up, it meant that God had a different person in mind for our family. I told him that we were trying to work things out but I couldn't promise what would happen. He was absolutely sobbing as he said, "I want to have a good daddy."
We talked about families coming in different shapes and sizes but all my little boy knew was that he had been cheated out of a dad and he wanted one. He wanted a whole, complete family with a mom and a dad. I couldn't help but burst into tears myself. That's what I want too.
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