Yesterday was probably one of the hardest days of my life. I had meeting after meeting, each of which was worse than the last. I had to hear someone tell me a list of things I'd done wrong. I heard complaints about the way I do things. It made me mad, but also sad.
But the worst part of the day was letting my friends down. I had to tell not only one, but several, that I couldn't follow through on a promise I had made. This promise affected my life and theirs too. It was tough. I felt like I had let them all down.
I am not a person to make promises lightly. I try my very best to follow through on what I say I will do. Now in this situation, it wasn't something that I could help. It was just the situation we are in. But it didn't make me feel any better. I wanted to fix this situation for them, to be able to do for them what I had originally promised.
Fixing things...that's one thing that God deals with me on all the time. I have a hard time letting go and giving it over to God. I want to do what I can. I want to do more than I can. I just want to make everything okay for everyone. God kept trying to tell me that He is in charge and that He take care of everything. At the end of the day yesterday, He took all other options out of my hands. I just have to wait on Him.
While I was mindlessly looking at FaceBook last night, a friend's post hit home. "The Bible never once says 'figure it out,' but over and over again it says 'Trust God'. He's already got it all figured out." Talk about a punch in the gut. How much clearer could it be?
So I've apologized to God for trying to do His job. I'm praying for this situation but am ultimately waiting on his decision in His timing. I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father that knows what's best for me and will stop me in my tracks when I won't listen.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
This Season
Today I read my friend J's blog (www.lotsofscotts.blogspot.com) about the joys of just watching your children. She spoke about this season, the only season, in which we will know our kids as children. The rest of their lives we will know them as adults. This gives us a unique chance to know them in this part of their lives.
As I reflected on this, I was saddened. I watched my son tonight act very much like an adult in a situation he shouldn't even be in, much less have to act mature beyond his years. He was talking to his dad on the phone. When his dad said, " I miss you" then G said it too. When his dad said, " I wish you could be here", G said it too. I watched G roll his eyes and make faces as he said these things to his dad. When he hung up the phone, I asked G about it. I couldn't understand the discrepancy I saw in his facial expressions versus the words he was saying. G told me, " I have to say those words to Daddy or he will cry and be sad. If I tell him I don't love him too, he will say 'why baby?' And I don't want to tell him that I don't love him because he is mean to people."
Whoa....here is my 5 year old trying to spare his dad's feelings. He is hiding what he really feels just so his dad won't be hurt. On one hand, I'm proud that he doesn't want to hurt feelings, but on the other hand, I want to him to always be honest with us. And I am crushed that this innocent little heart is having to deal with such hard things.
I am praying that in this season, the only season in which G gets to be a kid, that his burdens will be lifted. I am praying that he gets the chance to be carefree and that his innocence will be protected. And that his little heart learns that he can always lean on his Heavenly Father for anything.
As I reflected on this, I was saddened. I watched my son tonight act very much like an adult in a situation he shouldn't even be in, much less have to act mature beyond his years. He was talking to his dad on the phone. When his dad said, " I miss you" then G said it too. When his dad said, " I wish you could be here", G said it too. I watched G roll his eyes and make faces as he said these things to his dad. When he hung up the phone, I asked G about it. I couldn't understand the discrepancy I saw in his facial expressions versus the words he was saying. G told me, " I have to say those words to Daddy or he will cry and be sad. If I tell him I don't love him too, he will say 'why baby?' And I don't want to tell him that I don't love him because he is mean to people."
Whoa....here is my 5 year old trying to spare his dad's feelings. He is hiding what he really feels just so his dad won't be hurt. On one hand, I'm proud that he doesn't want to hurt feelings, but on the other hand, I want to him to always be honest with us. And I am crushed that this innocent little heart is having to deal with such hard things.
I am praying that in this season, the only season in which G gets to be a kid, that his burdens will be lifted. I am praying that he gets the chance to be carefree and that his innocence will be protected. And that his little heart learns that he can always lean on his Heavenly Father for anything.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
The Power of Praise
I've just finished reading an absolutely life changing book called "The Power of Praise" by Merlyn Carothers. I've heard about praising God in any circumstance, and I've tried it myself, but this book just hit home with me. If you haven't read it...go get it now!!! (It is an older book, so look it up on Amazon.)
The basis of the book is to praise God for everything. Easier said than done if you ask me. I was continually struggling within myself...how can I praise God for the bad things? A friend has cancer...so I should praise God? We are having financial trouble....praise God for that? My heart is broken....praise now? I was in such turmoil over this. The bible says to praise God but I felt like I was lying when I tried to praise Him in those situations.
In reading this book, something clicked inside me. You have to choose whether or not you believe God's word. That's what it boils down to. The Bible says in Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." If you truly believe that then you know God is working out your life for your good. Although it might not be the thing we are asking for, it might not be what we are hoping for....God is working it out for our good, and His glory.
So do I believe that verse? I thought I did before but I also thought that the enemy was pushing so hard against me that he was somehow making these bad things happen in my life. I prayed against the enemy, I fought against the enemy, I did everything I thought I was supposed to do. What I didn't really think about was the fact that God was sovereign.
I had to go back and re-evaluate my beliefs about God. If He is sovereign, then He allows (or doesn't allow) certain things in my life. Maybe they do come from the enemy, but God allows it. That was a hard concept for me to comprehend.
And then there were my emotions....my heart was broken at the thought of my loving Father allowing something "bad" to come into my life. Why would He do that to me? When I say I struggled, I mean I STRUGGLED with it. But in reading this book, so many examples were given when the person involved might not have believed at first but decided just to give it a try. The things that happened as a result of praise...well, you need to read the book!
So I tried it. My prayers mostly went like this.."God, I praise You. I don't know why You are allowing this, but I am praising You anyway. Please help my emotions to catch up with scripture." At first I felt stupid. My head and heart were at war with each other. But each day as I praised, I felt more at peace.
One morning I was praying for our school. We have not had the enrollment that we had hoped for although we are certain that this is the place God has for us. So I gave it to God. I told Him that I was praising Him for this situation, even though I didn't understand it. But I was being obedient and praising Him. When I got to school, our day began just like many others. But about an hour into the day, we had not ONE, but TWO children enroll..and the promise of a third! Can you believe that? I started telling all of the ladies I work with about my prayers that day. So I have seen it for myself that it works.
Now don't get me wrong, I know there are hard things out there that will be more challenging to praise God for. I'm going through one such situation right now. But I am trying my hardest to praise Him for all of it. He is the one in charge and I owe my very life to Him. I will continue to believe the promises God lays out for us in the Bible and put my emotions aside...PRAISE GOD!!
The basis of the book is to praise God for everything. Easier said than done if you ask me. I was continually struggling within myself...how can I praise God for the bad things? A friend has cancer...so I should praise God? We are having financial trouble....praise God for that? My heart is broken....praise now? I was in such turmoil over this. The bible says to praise God but I felt like I was lying when I tried to praise Him in those situations.
In reading this book, something clicked inside me. You have to choose whether or not you believe God's word. That's what it boils down to. The Bible says in Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." If you truly believe that then you know God is working out your life for your good. Although it might not be the thing we are asking for, it might not be what we are hoping for....God is working it out for our good, and His glory.
So do I believe that verse? I thought I did before but I also thought that the enemy was pushing so hard against me that he was somehow making these bad things happen in my life. I prayed against the enemy, I fought against the enemy, I did everything I thought I was supposed to do. What I didn't really think about was the fact that God was sovereign.
I had to go back and re-evaluate my beliefs about God. If He is sovereign, then He allows (or doesn't allow) certain things in my life. Maybe they do come from the enemy, but God allows it. That was a hard concept for me to comprehend.
And then there were my emotions....my heart was broken at the thought of my loving Father allowing something "bad" to come into my life. Why would He do that to me? When I say I struggled, I mean I STRUGGLED with it. But in reading this book, so many examples were given when the person involved might not have believed at first but decided just to give it a try. The things that happened as a result of praise...well, you need to read the book!
So I tried it. My prayers mostly went like this.."God, I praise You. I don't know why You are allowing this, but I am praising You anyway. Please help my emotions to catch up with scripture." At first I felt stupid. My head and heart were at war with each other. But each day as I praised, I felt more at peace.
One morning I was praying for our school. We have not had the enrollment that we had hoped for although we are certain that this is the place God has for us. So I gave it to God. I told Him that I was praising Him for this situation, even though I didn't understand it. But I was being obedient and praising Him. When I got to school, our day began just like many others. But about an hour into the day, we had not ONE, but TWO children enroll..and the promise of a third! Can you believe that? I started telling all of the ladies I work with about my prayers that day. So I have seen it for myself that it works.
Now don't get me wrong, I know there are hard things out there that will be more challenging to praise God for. I'm going through one such situation right now. But I am trying my hardest to praise Him for all of it. He is the one in charge and I owe my very life to Him. I will continue to believe the promises God lays out for us in the Bible and put my emotions aside...PRAISE GOD!!
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