Fighting

I know the Bible says "I will fight your enemies and I will save your children" (Isaiah 49:25 NCV). It says "Like a shield He protects the innocent. He makes sure that justice is done and He protects those who are loyal to Him" (Proverbs 2:7-8 NCV).

My son is the innocent one the Bible speaks of. He is the child it speaks of. I am fighting to believe these scriptures because on the surface it appears that it's not true. In the natural, it looks like God is not upholding His promises. I am struggling to remember that God's protection is not the same as the way I would protect my son. I would do it differently. I would move swiftly, removing the source of the problem. That's what I want God to do. I'm tired of waiting while I have to sit and watch my son go through pain. I have to pick up the pieces and try to explain the unexplainable to him. I have to try and teach him the right way to be, while he is witnessing firsthand the wrong way to be. I have to hand him over while every fiber of my being screams not to do it, but having no other choice.

I cover him in prayer. Plead the blood of Jesus over him. Hold my breath until he is back in my arms again. All the time going back and forth between believing God is moving and wondering if He is listening to my pleas at all. Satan wages war on my mind and my heart. I am just weary of fighting him.

So I search the scriptures for new fuel for my fight. And I find this..."The Lord says, 'Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?'" ( Isaiah 43:18-19 NCV)

I do see the new thing...little glimpses that keep me hopeful. God is allowing me tiny, tiny peeks at what is coming. I am trying to hold on. I am trying to look in the direction God is pointing.

Someone once told me that satan doesn't fight you unless you are on the path God has for you. He doesn't have to worry with those who are not doing the right thing. He already has those people in his grasp. It's the ones who are on God's side, who are choosing light over darkness, that satan tries to steer the other way.

All I know is that satan is trying to steer me away. He puts those fears, doubts and pain into my life. He throws them with such force that it knocks the breath out of me. Even while I'm on the ground, stuggling to regain my composure and footing, I am trying to look in God's direction. I am pointing it out to my son. We are looking to the light, to the only One who can save us.

I am choosing to believe the scriptures. I am choosing to believe that Psalm 91 is true. I am choosing to believe in God Almighty.

"Those who go to God Most High for safety will be protected by the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."
God will save you from hidden traps and from deadly diseases.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you can hide. His truth will be your shield and protection.
You will not fear any danger by night or an arrow during the day.
You will not be afraid of diseases that come in the dark or sickness that strikes at noon.
At your side one thousand people may die, or even ten thousand right beside you, but you will not be hurt.
You will only watch and see the wicked punished.
The Lord is your protection; you have made God Most High your place of safety.
Nothing bad will happen to you; no disaster will come to your home.
He has put his angels in charge of you to watch over you wherever you go.
They will catch you in their hands so that you will not hit your foot on a rock.
You will walk on lions and cobras; you will step on strong lions and snakes.
The Lord says "Whoever loves me, I will save. I will protect those who know me.
They will call to me, and I will answer them. I will be with them in trouble; I will rescue and honor them.
I will give them a long, full life, and they will see how I can save."