What Should I Do?

Yesterday my son and I went for a haircut. This is the first time we both needed one on the same day. I had prepped him for sitting in my lap, watching me get mine done and then moving on to his. This was not to be....

Let me say first of all that we have a FANTASTIC therapist who helped us desensitize G to the noise of the buzz clips. She used a vibration type toy to massage his head with during therapy (and this was as I offhandedly mentioned a hair cut at the beginning of his therapy session--Thank you Ms. Robyn, we love you!!) So G was ready for the clippers. He was not however, ready for the "hair cut lady"!

The salon was empty except for the two of us and two stylists. They were both nice and friendly but the one insisted on G coming in to her chair to get his hair cut at the same time the other stylist cut mine. She did win G over, and he went to her chair. (It was harder for me to supervise and therefore he has a much shorter cut that I prefer, but that's another story).

He began by telling her he did not like the hair dryer. She told him she wouldn't use it. A few minutes later, he told her again. "No hair dryer." She promised they wouldn't need it. She chatted with him and he actually did pretty well. He repeatedly insisted on having no hair dryer anywhere near him. Then she made a comment to me....

She compared my son to RainMan. You know the movie...Dustin Hoffman, Tom Cruise, the Autistic guy who repeats himself and is insistent on certain things.

Now I know she had no idea that G is Autistic. And I don't think she meant any harm by this remark. It just kind of got ground in when she couldn't remember exactly the line from the movie she was searching for to make her point, and she pondered it out loud over and over again.

What bothered me most was my reaction. Or lack of reaction. I politely smiled and tried to change the subject. I didn't make the comments that were rolling around in my mind like "Did you know that RainMan was Autistic and he was nervous to be out of his environment and he did a pretty darn good job making it cross country with some one he didn't really know? Did you know that my son is Autistic too and he is handling this all pretty well also especially considering you are talking about him like he isn't sitting right in front of you???" I didn't say that.

I didn't say, " How would you like it if some stranger squirted your head with water when water is one of the things you can't stand? How would you like it if someone kept telling you that she won't touch you with the hair dryer but you can see it sitting RIGHT THERE and you don't really know if it's ok to trust her?" I didn't say that either.

I also didn't tell her that G has made such amazing progress that the fact he is sitting here , talking to her, walked in on his own and is even alive to need a hair cut is a miracle. I didn't say any of those things.

I know I'm not supposed to unload on someone who makes a comment like that. Maybe it shouldn't even have bothered me, but it did. Did I let G down by not speaking up? Did I send the wrong message by not even acknowledging his Autism? I would love to hear other's thoughts on this. It's hard to know how to react sometimes or even if I am supposed to react.

So for now I'll pray about this. I need guidance. I will ask God to send me the words to say in those situations. And for the grace to love this woman...just as He has loved me.

Doing Something Right

Last night we were driving to meet my ex-husband. These visits are always nerve wracking for us all. Especially my son. He never wants to go. We talk alot about the visits before they occur, even planning out on the calendar exactly when he will be home.

Normally, when we get in the car and start off (to anywhere...) we say a quick prayer for safety and traveling mercies. Last night, I hadn't even made it out of the driveway when my son said, "Pray, Mama, Pray."

I assumed he was talking about our everyday requests, but I asked him anyway.
"What do you want to pray for?"

"For Daddy and peace stuff...and traveling mercies." (Which sounds like " For Daddy an' peace 'tuff....and twavelin' mewcies").

He has listened as we pray for deliverance, for protection, for safety and for peace. He has learned to ask God for what he needs and thank Him for what he has received.

It may seem small to some, but for me it was confirmation that I'm doing something right. God is showing me that I am training my son in the way he should go...and God promises that when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Most of all, my son is learning to lean on the One who will never fail him. He is learning that God will supply all his needs. Thank you Lord for leading this little heart....and mine.

Perspectives change

Isn't it funny how your perspective can change? Years back I was the drinking, partying, doing all the wrong things kind of girl. Now I don't drink, don't party, still do some of the wrong thing but am trying harder kind of woman.

Years back, I could be found in a bar that happened to serve food. Now I might be found in a restaurant that happens to serve alcohol...and I'm uncomfortable there. Years back, I would stay up till all hours dancing and partying. Now, if I'm dancing it's with a cute three year old in the living room and we are in bed at a much earlier hour. Years ago, my schedule revolved around me, me, me. Now it is all about him, him, him.

I found myself watching RFDtv the other night. (No, I don't get compensation here!!) I don't particularly care for the programming. It's "farmy" and "bluegrass", really not my style. But the little man loves tractors and anything with banjos or guitars so we watch it sometimes.

A man came on the screen detailing how the programming as well as the commercials were well thought out. The intent was on viewing a channel that could be watched by anyone. ANYONE. How often does that happen? They don't show commercials advertising new drugs, let alone the ones geared toward "love lives". They don't show commercials advertising alcohol. The programs are wholesome. ANYONE can watch this station at any time and not be offended.

I found myself enjoying this station a bit more after taking in his words. I am trying to preserve my son's innocence as long as I can. It's nice to know there are others out there that agree with that philosophy.

Amazingly, I found myself at a bluegrass festival this weekend. Again, not my cup of tea but my son tapped his foot and clapped along with the music. The booths were family oriented, showcasing crafts and food. It still amazes me how God can turn a life around. I'm thankful it was my life He chose to change. I am loving every minute of this life as a mom. Wonder if I can learn to play the banjo...........

Hurry God!

Sometimes I wonder just how much I can take before I finally crack. I know the Bible says that God will only give us as much as we can bear...but I'm down here crying out to God. I'm trying to tell Him I can't take any more. I'm not sure He is listening.

I am tired of being scared, tired of being nervous, tired of being cussed, tired of being treated like less than.........when does this end? I've done everything in my power to put distance between us. I've moved. Left my job. Left my friends. Made as much of a new life for us as I possibly can but it's not enough. It just doesn't quit. My hands shake. My stomach lurches. My nerves are on end. When will it end?

When will God step in on His awesome authority and deliver us from this pit? I want to live a life that shows others God's love, not my fear. I want to tell people how God delivers us, not be afraid at every turn. I want to step boldly out my front door and know that this thing that haunts us is GONE!

There's a song called "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson. It says "Would you dare to believe you still have a reason to sing, cause the pain that you've been feeling, it can't compare to the joy that's coming, so hold on you gotta wait for the light, press on and just fight the good fight, cause the pain that you've been feeling, it's just the dark before the morning."

I'm trying to fight the good fight, just HURRY God! Please!