What is going on?

I've been on a roller coaster of emotions lately. It might all stem from G's 5th birthday. That's right, my once - upon -a -time 2 1/2 pound preemie is now 5 years old. Every year at his birthday I get sentimental about how fast he is growing up. He's started reading recently...great news, but a sure sign that he won't stay my baby forever!

A few days ago, a parent at a school where I used to teach lost her battle with cancer. She left behind two young children. She was a godly woman, upheld by so many prayer warriors. Now what happens to her kids she left on earth until they meet again in heaven?

After many, many weeks of not going to visit his dad, G might be going back next weekend. He is not wanting to go. He gets nervous just talking about it. Each night I have to convince him to even talk on the phone to his dad. He is just not interested in having this man in his life. Hurts my heart to see him this way.

Our new school has a great staff and great kids but we are not enrolling students like I thought we would be by now. It scares me. Surely God didn't bring us here just to fail. He moved too many mountains to get us here. My heart wants so badly to trust Him, but my head looks at the numbers and worries.

So what is going on? Good and bad. Happy and sad. Up and down. The roller coaster ride is starting to make me uncomfortable. I heard someone say that you shouldn't ask God for easy days...those aren't promised to us. But instead ask for strength for the battle. He will deliver that.

So God, I'm asking for strength, for endurance, for wisdom. I'm asking for clear direction, honesty and truth in my life. I'm asking for protection, supplication and love. You are the only one who can steady my emotions and this ride I'm on.