You Did It Again

I am angry. You did it again...surpassed me in my parenting authority and went to the child instead. Asked our son if he could meet you....didn't ask me first. We talked about this before. I am the parent. You clear things with me first. Don't put our son in the middle. But you did it anyway.

Why? Do you want to hurt him? Do you care about him at all? Don't you see how confused he gets? He has to be coerced into even talking to you on the phone. He doesn't want to visit unless his cousin is there. Haven't you seen the fear in his eyes or hear it in his voice?

No, I guess you don't see it. You don't hear it. Because you don't know him at all. You use him to show off from time to time. You want people to see you as a good father who got the raw end of the deal.

But the truth is that you treated us badly. You had your chance to do right by us. But you made other choices. Now you are probably regretting that since your "others" have now left you also. Don't you understand that the problems lie within you and not the rest of us? No, you probably don't see that either. You would rather live as the victim than to take responsibility for the wrongs you've created.

Now you are sick. And you think we will feel badly for you. You think that because you are alone again that we will forget the past. Let's set the record straight...I will not feel badly for you. I will not forget the hell you have put our family through. I will not forget the fear you've instilled in me. I will not forget the tears our son has cried over you. I will not forget the terror he has endured at your hands and feet. I will always remember the monster that is inside you.

I have asked God to help me control my emotions. I have asked Him to help me forgive you. I have asked God for help in how to explain the things you do to my little boy who does not understand why he is constantly subjected to you.

I remember God is in control. I know He has promised me "beauty for ashes". I am holding on to that promise, and many others as I struggle to live day to day with this arc of emotions. I am pleading the blood of Jesus Christ over my son, that he is safe and protected...and that he will not have to deal with one more day of your insanity.

I know God will deliver us.