It's a Battlefield, Not a Bed of Roses

It's a battlefield, not a bed of roses...that was a line from today's devotional. Hits home with me. I want things to go smoothly, I don't want to fight my way through life. But between this devotional and a message I recently heard, I'm remembering that we are at war with the enemy. He is trying to destroy us. Everyday. All the time. He doesn't let up.

So if he doesn't let up, neither should we. And thankfully, we aren't in this alone. God is always there, giving us what we need to do our part. Then He handles the rest!

In the message I heard, the speaker said that quoting scripture out loud is the surefire way to put angels in motion on our behalf. I want to remember that because I want all the support on my side that I can get. It prods me to memorize more scripture so I can bring it to mind when I need it most.

God has also provided me fellow soldiers to help me along the way. With this new job came a new teaching assistant. I have only been around her a handful of times, but I believe her to be an upstanding person of God. She has dealt with a special needs child too, faced her share of losses, and is still smiling and cracking jokes. She has been described by everyone as "kind and sweet". What a fantastic lady to spend each day with.

Thank you God for sending a message through speakers, devotionals, and fellow soldiers. Thank you for preparing us for the battle...and arming us with the knowledge that Your army WINS!!

Anger

So I'm exchanging visitation of my son with my ex this morning...and sure enough, he starts a "discussion". It didn't turn into an argument because I called him out on doing it in front of G before he got too heated. He threatened calling the judge, reciting his version of his parental rights, and his version of past events. You understand that I say 'his version' because he seems to put a spin on things so that it looks like he is always the injured party. He apparently can't read the rules very well, or chooses to block out the parts that pertain to him, because they are written in black and white to be followed.

During this exchange, G's holding on to me for dear life. G is nervous. I am sweating. I'm sure our blood pressure was sky high. His anger scares me. It really, really scares me.

After coming home and calming down a bit, I pray for God to protect G. And thank Him for his protection this morning. Then I read my devotional.....it's about loving people like Jesus does.
It talks about how people are hurting. It talks about the good Samaritan and how he didn't pass by but stopped to help. It mentions that left to our own devices, we would act more like the Pharisees than like the Samaritan. The prayer at the bottom of the devotional says," Lord make me sensitive to the needs, the cares, the concerns, the hurts and the spiritual condition of those I come in contact with today."

The part about 'spiritual condition' hit home with me. My ex is an angry person. His spirit can't be in a good place and harbor that anger at the same time. Especially when he is angry at so much. It's just not this one thing that sets him off. I am upset with him, I won't hide that fact. But it reminded me to pray for him. I needed that reminder for his benefit as well as mine.

I don't want to have that kind of anger in my spirit either. I want to let go of it so I can be at peace. I pray the same for him as well.

Thank you God for reminding me when I forget, protecting me when I'm afraid, and for saving me when I was lost. I love you Lord.

Job search

I haven't written in a few weeks...it seems that all of the resumes I've sent out are finally doing the trick! Of course, a bit before the school term starts and principals are scrambling to find teachers. For me, it's been a flurry of phone calls, email and job interviews.

I was offered several positions, some closer to home than others. I've prayed all along for guidance as to which job to take. I was praying this even before I had a real offer. I just tried to trust that God would send me a job. And this year, it was more than just a job for me. It is the beginning of a school career for G as well.

So it came down to two main choices. School 1 was closer to home, not as much money, but had the ability to keep G's medicaid. The school has a great reputation, is Christian in nature,would pay G's tuition in full and is really the one I initially wanted to work at even though they repeatedly told me they didn't have a position to offer me.

School 2 was farther away, great money, but so much money that G's medicaid might be cancelled. I already have a friend working at this school, the tuition is offered at half price, it is true Montessori, and I can work the school term and have time off with G.

So it was a hard choice. And I had to decide fast. I was mulling over the options with my parents who are my sounding board. The hardest part was the medicaid. School 2 offers insurance, but it doesn't look like the company will cover G's specific diagnosis. Hard to tell exactly until I sign up. Again, very hard choice.

I was about to bang my head against the wall making this decision when I heard in my spirit, " I will take care of you."

That phrase resonated within me several more times. "I will take care of you."

At once, I had peace. School 2 was it. God would take care of us. I immediately went upstairs to accept the offer. Monday morning I go in to finalize all the details and sign my contract.

Now I don't agree with chain letters but I also don't think it was coincidence that as I was emailing my response to school 2, a friend sent me a text message that read "To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you. " This friend had no idea that I was searching for a job or had any inclination that I was mid-decision.

God continues to amaze me. How He can speak to my spirit so clearly, grant me peace immediately and then send that little something extra just to let me know it was Him....thank you precious Lord for loving and caring for me. I will do my best to honor You in all I do.

Article

My sweet friend M sent me a message on Facebook the other day and told me I should get the July 2010 issue of Ladies' Home Journal. There was an article in it about a mom of an Autistic child (called "Accepting Ethan"). If you are the parent of a special needs child, it's a good read. It's got some really good points.

The article is basically about the mom hoping for a cure for her son's Autism so long and hard that she lost sight of other things. She decided one day to focus on the progress he was making, instead of setting goal after goal after goal in the hopes he would one day not have the disease anymore.

I could really relate here. I have prayed every day for G's Autism to be gone. I don't think it's fair for him, or any child, to have extra difficulties placed on them. Life is hard enough. While reading this article won't stop my prayer (because I serve a God who is the Great and Mighty Healer and He can choose to heal G at any time!!!!) it will help me to look more at his progress.

My guy can dress himself, mostly without help. He can brush his teeth, although he'd rather skip it. He can peddle a tricycle. He is learning to read three-letter words. He smiles and laughs daily, and I hear "I love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my Mommy you'll be" more times in a day than I can count. He is doing great.

To quote the article, " I've also learned that at a certain point fighting the autism begins to feel more like fighting your child". OUCH! I'm guilty of days of pushing....just one more try...maybe he will get it this time...ok, then just one more time...next time for sure. G pushing back, trying to tell me in his own way that he has had enough.

I'm not advocating that we give up. Not at all. G personally needs repetition. It is how he learns. But I have found myself pushing harder than might have been necessary. The guilt seems to follow you if you push too hard or not hard enough.

But it also says, "....I do wish I'd understood sooner the battle was not an all-or-nothing one. I wish I'd learned earlier to see and celebrate the small victories when they came instead of holding my breath for bigger ones."

We are fortunate. We are seeing victories. Probably more than many others. And I am grateful.

For today, I will thank God for the victory...large and small. I will pray that there is a cure for this disease and others like it. But also that I keep a proper perspective for G's achievements. He is God's creation after all. And He has loaned me His wonderful creation while we are here on earth. Thank you, Father God. I am honored.