II Corinthians

I'm having a rough time today. I woke up this morning to my baby telling me some of the things he did at his visit to his dad's house last weekend. One of which included a ride on the motorcycle to the gas station. He held on to the "clock" while they rode. My guy is barely three years old, has a fear of loud noises and doesn't always do well with following directions. So picturing him riding in front of my ex-husband, holding onto the gauges, no seat belt obviously, and no way to hold onto him and steer at the same time, probably no helmet....my blood ran cold.

First I cried, then I got mad, then I cried some more. Who does this man think he is that he can take such chances with my baby??? My baby that has struggled more than his fair share already....to put him in unnecessary danger, I don't even understand it. To know that he has fears of loud noises, but choosing to make him ride on a very loud motorcycle. Why? My guy already scared to visit each time, why push him more and more? The only reason I can even come up with is that my ex is incredibly selfish. Will he ever realize that his son's needs should come before his own wants?

This is only one of the things that are bothering me. I've had to turn him over to Child Support Enforcement. He's a violent man. I had to choose between never getting what he owes us or turning him in and hoping he doesn't snap. I've let the money go as long as I can, but with no job offers on the horizon, I finally took action. I feel like I'm holding my breath waiting for his retaliation.

I'm trying to pray about all of this. I'm trying. I just can't even find the words to pray sometimes. I pray 'age appropriate' prayers with G because my personal prayers are more than he could handle. But last night, he prayed "God keep us safe" without any prompting from me. Amazing.

Today my devotional was entitled "Keep Fighting". It focused on II Corinthians 4..."We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken."

Later in the passage it reads, "So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

Please pray for us as we face this hurdle. Help us pray for a miracle. Petition God on our behalf. Pray that I can look for the celebration ahead that this passage speaks of. I'm tired of feeling like we are barely holding our heads above water. I am ready for us to be safe on a boat! Pray that God will keep us safe, physically, emotionally and spiritually.