Lost

Tonight I am lost...or at least I feel that way. I am hurt, angry and afraid. I've just learned that my son no longer has medical insurance. His dad is supposed to cover the cost but that isn't happening. I don't have the money to provide it myself. Even if I did, his Autism diagnosis might be a pre-existing condition that won't be covered.

I am unsure of what to do next. Health care is expensive enough in general but when you add therapy several times a week and specialists, the costs are through the roof.

I am mostly afraid of letting my son down. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves to get whatever help he needs to learn to live his life. How do I look at him each day knowing he isn't getting the services he needs because the adults in his life aren't doing the right thing?

It's more than just the money. It's more than just the insurance. It's fear. It's anger. It's sadness. It sometimes seems that the more you try to do the right thing, the more things go wrong.

I believe that my son has a calling upon his life to preach the gospel. And I know that the enemy will do whatever he can to put a stop to that. I know we face this daily as we come under attack. But my heart breaks for this innocent little boy has to face these things.

I've been reading about the sovereighty of God. My head knows that God will provide. My head knows that God will protect us. My head knows that God will work all of this out for our best and His glory. But the message sometimes has trouble reaching my heart.

As I sit here writing this, I am wearing a shirt that says "God is good". I know that God has already brought us through so much, and He promises to be with us in this too. I know it. I believe it. Even as I cry over it, I feel the tug on my spirit.

For now, I'll pray. ALOT. And I'll also pray that this blog will be a testimony. I pray I'll be able to come back later and give a praise report about this situation. Would you please pray that too?