Therapy

My son was recently diagnosed with Autism. We are dealing with a myriad of therapy for him and today we went for a new OT evaluation. I am learning a lot as we go along but admit I feel one step behind in the process. The therapist was very knowledgeable and kind but the more she pointed out his faults, the more discouraged I became. She wasn't trying to hurt me, she was only making sure that we understood in what areas we need to work. Inside my heart was crying. This is my baby. This is my BABY. This is MY baby.

I want him to be perfect. I want a cure. I want him to be free to run and play, not go to therapy to learn how to tolerate swinging. I want him to have clear speech, not to look at me with those big blue eyes and wonder why Mama doesn't understand what he is telling me. I don't want him to struggle. I just want him healthy and happy and whole.

As I was having my pity party today, God reminded me of something I'd recently read. A friend's blog led me to another...a woman I don't know at all. A person I'll probably never meet. She carried her daughter with the knowledge that her baby was too medically fragile to survive. Her baby lived only 2 1/2 hours. My heart was broken for her.

God reminded me that my miracle is almost 2 1/2 YEARS old. His beginning may have been medically fragile too but he is here. With me. Hugging me. Smiling at me. Loving me.

God also reminded me that this earth is not our home. All the things I wish for my son will be given....in Heaven. There will be no misunderstandings, no struggles. Only wholeness and joy as we spend eternity with our Father.

So we will work hard. We will learn and grow and mature. And we will be thankful for the opportunity to do so. Both my son and myself.