Nice to who?

Today I ran about a thousand errands. Maybe more than that. I was in and out of stores, a restaurant, driving all over town. I tried my best to be polite to the cashiers, waiter, even those other drivers.

As I returned home a thought struck me. I was nicer to those strangers today than I have been sometimes to my own family. I'm glad I was kind and patient today, don't get me wrong. I hope that those who looked at me today saw not me, but Jesus.

But it also saddened me a bit to know that sometimes my family gets the worst of me just because they are my family. My family doesn't always look at me and see Jesus. Sometimes they see me with a frown, a short temper or plain old rudeness. I remember to say 'please' and 'thank you' to complete strangers but not always to those who are nearest and dearest to me.

So my prayer today is that the Lord continue to remind me of this. To continue to show the world the love of Jesus. Outside my home as well as in it.

Plans change

My son's therapist has a sick child so she had to cancel our therapy for today. I can completely understand. Sick kids come first.

But the "schedule" says we have therapy today. The schedule says we have to get ready on time, get in the car on time, drive to the clinic on time.....Now the schedule has changed. I find myself with a chunk of time with nothing appropriated to it. And for a few minutes I actually flounder. (I'm kind of a "schedule gal"...can you tell?)

It made me think of all the times I've had plans for my life. I've made my own schedule. I've decided what choices to make. Many times, I'm ashamed to say, the decisions were made without giving much thought to what God wants for me. I went on feelings, on selfish desires, on what I thought was best.

God still deals with me on this subject. He reminds me daily that it is His plan. My job is to seek His face and love Him. And oh, how I love Him! I stand in awe of all He is.

So for scheduling, I'm learning to pray first and act second. I'm learning to listen for that still, small voice that whispers to me. I'm also asking God to sometimes YELL... I'm a bit hard of hearing !

Lazy, lazy

Today I am feeling just plain lazy. We got to bed on time last night, slept well, haven't had an especially stressful morning....I am just feeling lazy. I struggle with days like this. Do I kick back and take it easy or push myself and do something productive?

I want to be a good steward of my time and energy. I want all I do to be pleasing to my Lord. I want to set a good example for my son. But the human side of me wonders if Jesus felt like this while He was on Earth. Did He ever just want to "veg out"? Somehow, I can't quite imagine it.

I do think that the Lord allows us time of peace and refreshing, knowing that we need to recharge from the past and prepare for the future. I think today I will go with this lazy feeling...being grateful for the day to do nothing. Being grateful for the day to enjoy the sunshine. Being grateful for the time to play with my son. Being grateful for this day in which we have no major commitments. Being grateful for life.

So maybe this isn't some random lazy spell...maybe it was designed as an opportunity to be grateful to my God. For who He is and what He's done in my life. Thank you Lord. Thank You!

Peace

We've had one crazy week. Between a sick child, doctor's appointments, therapy sessions and a family visit it seems we haven't slowed down at all. Today, the Lord sent us a time of peace and refreshing. The weather has cooled down, there was a breeze blowing outside....we had time just to enjoy being outside.

One song has been on my mind over the last few days...
"I love you Lord and I lift my voice
To worship you. O my soul
Take joy my King in what you hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear"

I pray I can carry this peace with me no matter what the days to come bring. Thank you Lord for knowing exactly what we need and when we need it.

Therapy

My son was recently diagnosed with Autism. We are dealing with a myriad of therapy for him and today we went for a new OT evaluation. I am learning a lot as we go along but admit I feel one step behind in the process. The therapist was very knowledgeable and kind but the more she pointed out his faults, the more discouraged I became. She wasn't trying to hurt me, she was only making sure that we understood in what areas we need to work. Inside my heart was crying. This is my baby. This is my BABY. This is MY baby.

I want him to be perfect. I want a cure. I want him to be free to run and play, not go to therapy to learn how to tolerate swinging. I want him to have clear speech, not to look at me with those big blue eyes and wonder why Mama doesn't understand what he is telling me. I don't want him to struggle. I just want him healthy and happy and whole.

As I was having my pity party today, God reminded me of something I'd recently read. A friend's blog led me to another...a woman I don't know at all. A person I'll probably never meet. She carried her daughter with the knowledge that her baby was too medically fragile to survive. Her baby lived only 2 1/2 hours. My heart was broken for her.

God reminded me that my miracle is almost 2 1/2 YEARS old. His beginning may have been medically fragile too but he is here. With me. Hugging me. Smiling at me. Loving me.

God also reminded me that this earth is not our home. All the things I wish for my son will be given....in Heaven. There will be no misunderstandings, no struggles. Only wholeness and joy as we spend eternity with our Father.

So we will work hard. We will learn and grow and mature. And we will be thankful for the opportunity to do so. Both my son and myself.

One more for today...

Yesterday, I sat with my son in the pediatrician's office. We waited for 55 minutes for them to call our name. 55 minutes past our scheduled appointment. Then we waited in the examination for at least another 20 minutes before we saw the doctor. (Did I mention my son is 2 years old?)

Upon entering the room, the doctor's first words were "I'm so sorry you had to wait so long". True to my southern upbriging my reply was "It's okay."
But the doctor felt differently, "No, it's not. That's too long to wait!" Actually, she was echoing my true feelings. I HATED waiting. Especially in a room of sick children, breathing their sick germs all over my baby! (Insert Oscar performance here).
But I answered, "But we survived!" The doctor laughed and we got on with the exam.

When I got home, I thought about the waiting. And I thought about something I heard on TV. Some people in the Bible were healed or delivered immediately. Others were healed "as they went". The woman on TV talked about her "wenting"....being healed as she went on with her life. I so often pray to God for immediate healing and immediate miracles, and I do believe He can do it. But often He chooses the "wenting" for my life. As hard as it is sometimes, I am thankful He chose it that way. I am no longer the person I once was. I learn alot in the "wenting".

I pray God opens my eyes to all the miracles He has for me...the ones I pray for and the ones I didn't even know I wanted.

Watching my Father

My dad broke his leg earlier this summer and as a result has spent his time off his feet. He is now able to walk with the help of crutches and has gotten strong enough to mow the grass on the riding lawnmower. Dad loves to be outside and is probably the only person I know who says yard work makes him relaxed. He can also be seen on his big blue tractor cutting what we call the "front forty".

This week as I watched my dad work, I thought how happy he looked as he was getting the yard into shape. He took his time with it, knowing the task would yield a beautiful result. I had to resist the urge to help. I was worried it would be too much for him, given that he is only recently regaining his strength. I wanted to hurry him along and have him come back inside so as not to be too worn out from the heat.

Then I realized that I tend to do the same thing with my Heavenly Father. He is pruning and shaping me, knowing that the task would yield a beautiful result. But I try to hurry Him along. I worry. I think I can do the job myself. I try to take over.

I'm praying that I can remember these times of pruning are coming from a Father's love. That although it may be in the middle of the heat, this is the time that God is refining me. I pray that I may let the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, do the work in me that He needs to do...so I can become the person He wants me to be. For His glory alone.

History

My past is what i consider to be rocky. I have done many things I am ashamed of. I have lived a life that at times was so far away from God. My heart breaks when I dwell on some of the decisions I've made without God's counsel. And the devil is sure to remind me often of those.

In church this week, the pastor spoke of what he called a "lark moment". He told of a young man who was hooked on drugs. His parents asked everyone they knew to pray for him but it seemed like he would never live the life he had once had. He seemed lost. Then one Sunday he called his mother and told her he absolutely must attend church with her. The service was uneventful until the gift of tongues was spoken. The interpretation was given. To paraphrase " Little Bird, return to Me. Little Bird, today you are home....." The young man's name was Lark. He was delivered that day and completely set free from his bondage.

That story reminded me of the many "lark moments" I've had. My Father God has brought me out of so much. He has given me a testimony that shows His grace, mercy and most of all His love for me. And if He can love me, He can love anyone. I am reminded that although I have far to go, He has brought me so far already.

There is a song that says "Oh praise the one who paid my debt, who raised this life up from the dead". Thank you Father for saving me. I am forever grateful for this life that was changed.

Following the rules

Yesterday my son came home from a visit with his dad...no nap this afternoon so he was a real grouch! He was easy to tantrum, cry and was just generally miserable. He was so tired that even at bed time he was almost too tired to sleep!

It made me think about following the rules. Now my son is only 2 and it wasn't his responsibility to put himself down for a nap, but when the routine , or rules, weren't followed, life was rough for him (and Mama). I was thinking of the rules that God has set for us and how life seems to be much easier when I follow them. When I hear God tell me to do something and I don't do it or I procrastinate or argue back with God, my life gets miserable. Things happen that could have been prevented if I had just followed the path my Father had laid out for me.

Help me to stay on your path Lord because I really do believe you have my best interest at heart.

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you, says the Lord. I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future." Jeremiah 29:11 (NCV)

Just Beginning

After reading my friend J's wonderful blogs, I have been inspired to start my own. I have a long history of bad decisions, lousy choices and times away from God. But I believe I have now been "overtaken by blessing". Deuteronomy 28 speaks of this. When I have chosen to turn my life toward God, obey him and trust him I am promised that my children will be blessed, that my enemy will be defeated, and that the Lord will bless all that I do. What an amazing promise!

It is often hard for me to give everything over to the Lord. I am a "fixer". I like to do it myself. I like to jump in with both feet and just get it done. The Lord has shown me that it is not always my job to do that. He is teaching me more and more to let Him have that responsibility. My job is to pray and seek His face...To keep those I love covered in prayer and he will provide the hedge of protection around them...to forgive as I have been forgiven...to just bask in His presence.

I am grateful to my God who not only loves me unconditionally but takes my burdens off my shoulders and puts them into His hands.