I seem to post often about the tough times so today I thought I'd be sure to share my thoughts about yesterday......it was an absolutely great day!
My son was especially loving toward me. I got lots of squeezes and kisses. He answered "yes ma'am" several times. He cleaned up his toys. He followed directions without being asked a million times.
We baked cookies. We played outside. We read books. We had fun. It was a great day!
It was pure joy just to spend time with him. I thought about how it must make God feel when we spend time with Him. When we just bask in our time with Him. I am so thankful that God provides those times with Him and our earthly families as well. They mean so much to me!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Poem
I don't know the author of this poem, but it speaks volumes to me. Thanks to my friend, Ms. P, for sending it my way years ago..........
I asked God to take away my pain. God said no. It is not for me to take away but for you to give up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said no. His spirit it whole, his body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience. God said no. Patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn't granted, it's earned.
I asked God to give me happiness. God said no. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me suffering. God said no. Suffering draws you away from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said no. You must grow on your own but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said no. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me. God said.....Ahhh, finally you have the idea.
I asked God to take away my pain. God said no. It is not for me to take away but for you to give up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said no. His spirit it whole, his body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience. God said no. Patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn't granted, it's earned.
I asked God to give me happiness. God said no. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me suffering. God said no. Suffering draws you away from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said no. You must grow on your own but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said no. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me. God said.....Ahhh, finally you have the idea.
Rain, Rain
Well the weatherman said it would rain today. In our area, he was pretty close to the estimated arrival time. The bottom seemed to drop out of the sky at 1:30 (weather guys predicted 2:00). Of course I was knee deep in errands and grocery shopping. Transferring bags from the cart to the car...soaking wet. I mean so wet that not only were my clothes and shoes wet but even the undies were soaked!!!
On the drive home, it was a torrential downpour. I passed several accidents. The traffic on the highway was creeping down the road. I silently prayed as we drove. I asked God to let us get home safely. I prayed for each person I could think of as we drove through that storm.
We got home just fine. Soaked but fine. After I had changed my clothes and was once again dry, my dad came inside after working in his shop out back. He wasn't wet although he had to walk through the yard to come into the house. When I asked how it was that he was dry, he winked and said he "had connections!" We laughed because I was telling him that I just prayed to stay safe, I never thought about asking to stay dry!
The moment was light hearted and funny to all of us. I didn't really mind getting wet. And we did make it home safely to a house that thankfully hasn't been flooded like so many others. But it did strike a cord with me...how many times do I just forget to ask?
I know that being safe was more important to me than staying dry today so I am grateful my prayer was answered. But I am reminded of the scripture that says 'you have not because you ask not'. Lord, help me to keep a right perspective and not become greedy in my requests, but also help me to remember to turn to you in everything. I know if something is on my mind, You are interested in it too.
On the drive home, it was a torrential downpour. I passed several accidents. The traffic on the highway was creeping down the road. I silently prayed as we drove. I asked God to let us get home safely. I prayed for each person I could think of as we drove through that storm.
We got home just fine. Soaked but fine. After I had changed my clothes and was once again dry, my dad came inside after working in his shop out back. He wasn't wet although he had to walk through the yard to come into the house. When I asked how it was that he was dry, he winked and said he "had connections!" We laughed because I was telling him that I just prayed to stay safe, I never thought about asking to stay dry!
The moment was light hearted and funny to all of us. I didn't really mind getting wet. And we did make it home safely to a house that thankfully hasn't been flooded like so many others. But it did strike a cord with me...how many times do I just forget to ask?
I know that being safe was more important to me than staying dry today so I am grateful my prayer was answered. But I am reminded of the scripture that says 'you have not because you ask not'. Lord, help me to keep a right perspective and not become greedy in my requests, but also help me to remember to turn to you in everything. I know if something is on my mind, You are interested in it too.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Out of my comfort zone
My son has some trouble with sensory processing. For him, changes in routine are a big deal. New textures, new places, new people....it can all be overwhelming. It can manifest in a shy smile or a total meltdown.
Recently we have pushed him a bit and he's tried lots of new things. Some were met with wide eyed wonder and joy, some met with tears and fear. But I am so proud of him because he TRIED them.
I promised to help him through and he put his trust in me. Even though he didn't like some of the things, I hope he got the message that I was trustworthy. I held his hand. I walked beside him. I even carried him when it was too much for him to do on his own.
My thoughts turned to my Savior. He pushes me sometimes. I go through new experiences with Him.Sometimes I meet them with wide eyed wonder and joy, others with tears and fear. But He never lets me go. He holds my hand, walks with me and even carries me. He is trustworthy. He is trustworthy. Thank you Lord for reminding me.
Recently we have pushed him a bit and he's tried lots of new things. Some were met with wide eyed wonder and joy, some met with tears and fear. But I am so proud of him because he TRIED them.
I promised to help him through and he put his trust in me. Even though he didn't like some of the things, I hope he got the message that I was trustworthy. I held his hand. I walked beside him. I even carried him when it was too much for him to do on his own.
My thoughts turned to my Savior. He pushes me sometimes. I go through new experiences with Him.Sometimes I meet them with wide eyed wonder and joy, others with tears and fear. But He never lets me go. He holds my hand, walks with me and even carries me. He is trustworthy. He is trustworthy. Thank you Lord for reminding me.
Hope
I've been struggling a lot lately. It's obvious from my writings. I have been praying for a particular miracle in my life for over 2 years now. Sometimes it seems as though it will never come. I bargain with God (although I know that's not how it works), I cry, I beg, I plead, I try to "do right", I try all that is with in my power to make it happen. Most of all I hope.
I hope that this miracle will happen soon...today. I hope the decisions I make for my family are the best. I hope that I am the best person I can be. Most of all I hope in the Lord.
"No one who hopes in me ever regrets it" (Isaiah 49:23-The Message). This is by far the best thing to hope in. I know that no matter what life throws at me or my family, I will never regret hoping in the Lord. Thank you heavenly Father for your love.
I hope that this miracle will happen soon...today. I hope the decisions I make for my family are the best. I hope that I am the best person I can be. Most of all I hope in the Lord.
"No one who hopes in me ever regrets it" (Isaiah 49:23-The Message). This is by far the best thing to hope in. I know that no matter what life throws at me or my family, I will never regret hoping in the Lord. Thank you heavenly Father for your love.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Fresh look
I'm so glad when I get a fresh look at something..a new perspective. I recently bought "The Message" Bible to add to my collection of other versions. I'm studying the book of Isaiah. I was actually focused on a different subject when this verse struck me....
" So to whom will you compare me, the Incomparable? Can you picture me without reducing me?" (Isaiah 46:5)
It made me think. Really think. Can I really picture God without reducing Him? My vision is limited to this earth. I can't really comprehend how vast, how amazing, how wonderful He is. I find it hard to wrap my mind around this idea that MY God is the same one who hung the stars in place. MY God is the one who knows everything that has been and all that is to come. MY God is He who is everywhere....EVERYWHERE! It boggles my mind to think of it all.
I pray that I am able remember all that the scriptures tell me about God. I want to know Him in every way. I want Him to reveal Himself to me in every circumstance. I want to picture Him without reducing Him to the human level. Help me do that Lord.
" So to whom will you compare me, the Incomparable? Can you picture me without reducing me?" (Isaiah 46:5)
It made me think. Really think. Can I really picture God without reducing Him? My vision is limited to this earth. I can't really comprehend how vast, how amazing, how wonderful He is. I find it hard to wrap my mind around this idea that MY God is the same one who hung the stars in place. MY God is the one who knows everything that has been and all that is to come. MY God is He who is everywhere....EVERYWHERE! It boggles my mind to think of it all.
I pray that I am able remember all that the scriptures tell me about God. I want to know Him in every way. I want Him to reveal Himself to me in every circumstance. I want to picture Him without reducing Him to the human level. Help me do that Lord.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Lost
Tonight I am lost...or at least I feel that way. I am hurt, angry and afraid. I've just learned that my son no longer has medical insurance. His dad is supposed to cover the cost but that isn't happening. I don't have the money to provide it myself. Even if I did, his Autism diagnosis might be a pre-existing condition that won't be covered.
I am unsure of what to do next. Health care is expensive enough in general but when you add therapy several times a week and specialists, the costs are through the roof.
I am mostly afraid of letting my son down. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves to get whatever help he needs to learn to live his life. How do I look at him each day knowing he isn't getting the services he needs because the adults in his life aren't doing the right thing?
It's more than just the money. It's more than just the insurance. It's fear. It's anger. It's sadness. It sometimes seems that the more you try to do the right thing, the more things go wrong.
I believe that my son has a calling upon his life to preach the gospel. And I know that the enemy will do whatever he can to put a stop to that. I know we face this daily as we come under attack. But my heart breaks for this innocent little boy has to face these things.
I've been reading about the sovereighty of God. My head knows that God will provide. My head knows that God will protect us. My head knows that God will work all of this out for our best and His glory. But the message sometimes has trouble reaching my heart.
As I sit here writing this, I am wearing a shirt that says "God is good". I know that God has already brought us through so much, and He promises to be with us in this too. I know it. I believe it. Even as I cry over it, I feel the tug on my spirit.
For now, I'll pray. ALOT. And I'll also pray that this blog will be a testimony. I pray I'll be able to come back later and give a praise report about this situation. Would you please pray that too?
I am unsure of what to do next. Health care is expensive enough in general but when you add therapy several times a week and specialists, the costs are through the roof.
I am mostly afraid of letting my son down. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves to get whatever help he needs to learn to live his life. How do I look at him each day knowing he isn't getting the services he needs because the adults in his life aren't doing the right thing?
It's more than just the money. It's more than just the insurance. It's fear. It's anger. It's sadness. It sometimes seems that the more you try to do the right thing, the more things go wrong.
I believe that my son has a calling upon his life to preach the gospel. And I know that the enemy will do whatever he can to put a stop to that. I know we face this daily as we come under attack. But my heart breaks for this innocent little boy has to face these things.
I've been reading about the sovereighty of God. My head knows that God will provide. My head knows that God will protect us. My head knows that God will work all of this out for our best and His glory. But the message sometimes has trouble reaching my heart.
As I sit here writing this, I am wearing a shirt that says "God is good". I know that God has already brought us through so much, and He promises to be with us in this too. I know it. I believe it. Even as I cry over it, I feel the tug on my spirit.
For now, I'll pray. ALOT. And I'll also pray that this blog will be a testimony. I pray I'll be able to come back later and give a praise report about this situation. Would you please pray that too?
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