Little reminders

We were outside yesterday, my son and I, enjoying the gorgeous weather. We came across a patch of tiny wildflowers. They were a delicate blue on the slope of the yard. As I stooped to look down at them, my son proceeded to stomp on the beauties!

He didn't act out of meanness, he just wasn't thinking. He didn't take the time to think through what he was doing, he just acted on impulse. I didn't say anything negative to him but it sure got me to thinking.....how many times does God give us something beautiful only to have us stomp on it? I can think of numerous times in my own life when I acted first, then thought about it later only to realize I had destroyed something precious. I really hadn't the intention to end the beauty God was sending my way. I simply didn't take the time to savor the gift I was being given.

It solidified my thoughts even more today when my son spent some time outside with his Nana. Guess what he picked for me? Some of those beautiful wildflowers! I think God was giving me a second chance at His beauty, as He so often does. I am so thankful to Him for that . Not just for the wildflowers but for every occasion He allows me grace and mercy, and the opportunity for second chances .

Help me Father to recognize Your gifts...and thank You for leading me back to them when I miss them the first time around.

Carrying the Load

It still amazes me that God uses common, everyday events in my life to remind me of His presence.

We'd had a stack of diapers sitting at the bottom of the stairs. As we headed up this afternoon for a nap, G decided to carry them all by himself. For every few steps he climbed, he dropped a diaper. I followed behind him, scooping up the diapers he dropped.

God reminded me then...how often I insist on carrying the load all by myself. I am positive I can carry it all without any help. Then I began dropping things. First maybe just one thing. Then more and more until I'm leaving a trail of mistakes behind me.

How grateful I am that God follows me, picking up the things I have dropped. Often He even takes over the whole load for me when I realize it's too much for me to handle. I love that He is always there for me, even when I have ignored His initial offer for help.

Lord, thank you for always carrying my load. And Father, help me to remember to ask You for help before I even attempt to pick the load up in the first place!

Admitting the truth

It's been awhile since I've written. I can't blame it on any one thing. I have been busy, I have done other things, I've been lazy. I've been upset. I've been upset at God. I've been upset at God so I've procrastinated in writing. There is the truth.

My last post was on a word I received from the Lord. On that day, I was so full of His spirit I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Day by day passed and I didn't see my miracle manifest. I expected it right away. After all, God had given me this word. He only speaks truth. I didn't want to doubt Him, but there it was...creeping into my mind. Maybe I had misunderstood. Maybe I wanted it so badly that I imagined it. Maybe it was a cruel joke. Maybe my miracle would never come.

Instead of turning to God I held back. I still prayed but without the passion I once had. I kept up in my day to day life with the thought in the back of my mind. Maybe this miracle wasn't for me.

Last night, I'd had enough. I finally recognized the enemy's attack. I poured out my heart to God. I openly admitted my fears. I asked again for my miracle. I prayed for covering over my son's life in a way that I haven't done in quite some time.

Then today, I began printing out some of these blogs on paper. I wanted my son to have a tangible record of my thoughts. I reread previous posts and realized again just how much God has brought us through. It was a bit strange to know that it was my own words sending encouragement my way.

So today I am struggling to let go of my fear. I am struggling to let go of my anger. I am struggling to increase my faith. I know that I know that I know that God grants miracles. I will desperately hold on to the word He has sent me...that our miracle is coming soon.

A word..

I received the most amazing word from the Lord today. Only a few times have I received such a strong, sure thing that I can stand upon it. Those times when I know that I know that I know......like when I was praying to be pregnant, God told me I would have a son and that he would grow up to preach His word. I wrote it down on a scrap of paper that was inside my Bible so I wouldn't forget....now I have a 2 year old son. Amazing.

Today at the beginning of the church service the pastor gave an altar call for those needing miracles.( There has been a particular miracle I have been praying for....I have prayed for my ex-husband to be out our of our lives completely. God knows my heart and that I honestly feel that growing up without this man in our lives would be the best thing for G. And for me. There has been so much hurt, pain, fear...I don't want to give the enemy any glory so I'll just say that he has done a number on our family! ) I know that if this prayer is answered, it will only be by God's deliverance. There is nothing I can do in my own power. So today when the altar call was given, I went forward to pray. I've asked God repeatedly for this miracle to manifest. I heard an altar worker lean over me to pray. He prayed a kind of general prayer, then left to pray for someone else. He came back to me and asked if there is something more specific he could pray about. Now it wasn't like I was the only one at the altar to be prayed for. The altar was literally packed. He could have prayed the first time and moved on. But God urged him back toward me and I told him of my specific needs. We prayed together and I left the altar. I have never met this man, nor can I recall seeing him in church before. His face wasn't familiar. I didn't know his name.

As I went back to my seat, someone began speaking in tongues. As the interpretation was given, the Lord said that if I come to him without doubt, that which I have asked for would be given. Now that is amazing enough in itself but through my tears as I was praising God and thanking Him, I noticed the altar worker who had prayed for me. He wore a name tag..."Don". That is also my dad's name.

Some may call all of this coincidence or happenstance, but I know this is neither of those. This is God, real and at work in my life. And I humbly thank Him from the bottom of my heart.

Out of the Pit

I've just finished reading Beth Moore's "Get Out of That Pit". It was very insightful as I have been praying for God's deliverance out of a particular situation.

As I neared the end of the book, Beth is speaking in a chapter called "Singing a new song". She is suggesting that we might get to hear the musical score of our lives when we finally get to Heaven. Be sure to read this book if you get a chance, but this particular part moved me so much, I wanted to share it here.....

"I hope it won't be just a CD. It needs to be a DVD. Real drama happens to real flesh and blood, playing out on the stage of earth's own sod but narrated from heaven's viewpoint. We won't just hear the music; we'll see the movie. Surely all the best parts are held in heavenly archives that will be opened to us when we're there. Only this time, we'll get to see the whole picture:the raging war in the unseen realm that took place over our heads as the angels of light fought the angels of darkness. We'll see exactly where Jesus was and what He was doing while every event unfolded. We'll hear the voice of God commanding the elements to cooperate. Our bonds to disintegrate. And, after all our waiting, we'll get to know the exact moment when God yelled, "Now!" "

Can you imagine? My soul is leaping for joy even as the tears flood my eyes at this thought! I sometimes forget that the things that happen here don't just happen here. Praise God! And thank you to Beth Moore for painting this illustration so vividly for me!

So Blessed

Last night we piled in the car with snacks and drinks, driving an hour to see our school's annual holiday performance. This was the first year I had attended as a guest, not as part of the staff. It was a little surreal sitting in the audience watching former students sing on stage.

I looked at children I had taught years before, now almost as tall as me. I watched children that were once shy standing on stage enjoying their moment in the spotlight. I noticed missing teeth, new hair cuts and growth spurts....all in only about 6 months time. It seemed like much longer!!

We made our rounds backstage before the show, hoping to say hello to a few people. I was overwhelmed by the hugs and smiles we received. I honestly cannot recall just how many people came up to us to talk. There were lots of laughs and even a few tears as I reconnected with great friends.

My mom was with me and she made the comment that she was so proud of me. She said it was clear how much people really thought of me. I am definitely not tooting my own horn here...it was actually a shock to hear her say it. I have always second-guessed my actions toward students and their parents. I hoped I was positive, not too harsh...I hoped most of all my love showed through for them.

I'm still not sure that my feelings for them were well conveyed, but it was clear to me that I am loved by them. I felt so supported and honored to be a part of that community. It's like an extension of my own family. As I thought about all of those wonderful people today, I was sure to thank God for extending His love to me...through them. I am blessed beyond measure.

Awesome Responsibility

Since my friend had a post on her blog about Mary, I have thinking about her a lot. I sometimes forget she was so young. Today, the pastor spoke about her as well. His sermon was focused on the vision that Mary received from the angel telling her that she would bear the Son of God.

Can you imagine the pressure Mary felt when she received this vision? Not only would she be pregnant as a virgin, but she would be carrying the Savior of the world! She would be responsible for raising Him. God Himself entrusted her with caring for His most precious gift. She had this incredible vision but in truth, really couldn't comprehend all that Jesus meant to the world.

It got me thinking about my own son. Now, I'm not comparing him to Jesus in a blasphemous way. I know he is not going to redeem the world. I know he was not sent here as my personal savior. But I do know he was sent here with a purpose. I know God has a mighty plan for his life.

What an awesome responsibility I have to raise him. I don't know how he will affect humanity or whose life he will ultimately touch. But I believe he will touch lives. I believe he is a walking example of God's love. God entrusted me with caring for this precious gift. To raise him up in the image of Jesus. To teach him and guide him as he learns to lean on God for himself. God entrusted me.

I also thought about the years I spent with children before my son was born. I've taught children for 15 years, in different areas and settings. I am humbled that God allowed me to have a part to play in their lives as well. I am saddened by the thought that I have not always done my very best. There were times I was not walking with the Lord and I know this was reflected in the way I interacted with the children. For those times, I have asked forgiveness. And now I am thankful that God has allowed me more chances to spread His love.

What an awesome responsibility...what an incredible, overwhelming, tremendous, amazing, astonishing responsibility. I wouldn't trade it for anything!