Last week we met some friends for dinner. We had a fantastic time...the kids playing, the adults chatting. We got to catch up on who-did-what and where-are-they-now sort of things. The children hadn't met before and although they were of various ages, they seemed to enjoy each other's company.
One of the other children has Autism, just like my son. As moms, we compared notes on development and Autism-isms. I took comfort in the fact that her child was older than mine, and they had survived and thrived in areas that we too are now facing.
As we traveled home, I was thinking about being part of this "Autism Club". As I prayed that night, I found myself once again so sad at this thought. I don't think it is fair for a child...mine or hers or any child at all...to have Autism. I don't want my son to be part of this club. I don't want her child to be part of this club. I questioned God, I begged God, I cried out to God to change this. I gave God all kinds of ways that would work...as if He (God Almighty, Creator of the Universe) needed my help!
This Sunday as the pastor preached his message he made a point that stuck with me. We often try in our own strength to fix things. When that doesn't work, we tell God how to fix it. It is not our job to do this, only to believe that He is God and He has our best interest at heart. If we are truly His followers and are striving to live a life that is pleasing to Him, we have to believe in His sovereignty.
It's hard for me, I admit it. I am wired to lay out a plan, follow the path and see the end result turn out to be exactly what I expected. It's really hard for me when that doesn't happen. But I am reminded that if God knows the number of hairs on my head, He is very aware of everything else that is in my life . Not only is He aware of it, but none of it has been a surprise to Him. He has allowed things to happen that ultimately show His glory. It is His plan. It is His path. It is His end result. It is all for Him.
My head swims at the thought of my Father carefully planning out my life, my son's life, my friend's life...from beginning to end. It amazes me. I am in awe. And I can let go of my own plan because I know the one my Lord has for me it so much better than anything I can ever imagine. Thank you God for this reminder.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Clovers
Our yard has lots of patches of clovers. LOTS of patches of clovers. It's become a little challenge between my mother and I too see who can find the most with four leaves. My son has even gotten into the spirit by pointing "right there" at which plant he thinks might be good luck.
I was outside yesterday bending over looking into yet another patch which seemed to have no four-leaf clovers in it. I'm a bit competitive so my back was aching as I kept searching. Finally I decided to just sit down...why hadn't I thought of it before??
As I sat down on the ground, a four-leaf clover was right there for the taking. I heard God speak to me....
"Sometimes you have to get right down in the middle of things".
I thought about my family, friends, those who I pray for. And I realized that I don't always take action. Yes, I pray as I am called to do. But often I don't extend a hand. I don't get right in the middle of things and try to help. I tend to take more of a sidelines approach. My prayer today is that I jump in with both feet and get right down in the middle of things. Help me Lord to be more of a "doer" than of a "watcher". I know You'll give me the strength and wisdom to accomplish my goal.
I was outside yesterday bending over looking into yet another patch which seemed to have no four-leaf clovers in it. I'm a bit competitive so my back was aching as I kept searching. Finally I decided to just sit down...why hadn't I thought of it before??
As I sat down on the ground, a four-leaf clover was right there for the taking. I heard God speak to me....
"Sometimes you have to get right down in the middle of things".
I thought about my family, friends, those who I pray for. And I realized that I don't always take action. Yes, I pray as I am called to do. But often I don't extend a hand. I don't get right in the middle of things and try to help. I tend to take more of a sidelines approach. My prayer today is that I jump in with both feet and get right down in the middle of things. Help me Lord to be more of a "doer" than of a "watcher". I know You'll give me the strength and wisdom to accomplish my goal.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Normal LIfe
It seems that life has been so busy lately. We've rushed to therapy, afraid we would be late. We've made a quick trip to the store to grab a few last minute items. We've already begun thinking about(and buying) Christmas gifts. We've baked a cake for the aunt who invited us for dinner. We've made plans to meet dear friends next week. We've gone to church. We've even gone trick of treating.
Today as I was mulling over all we've done and all that if forth coming, I was struck by a thought....this is all part of normal life. That might not seem like a "light bulb over the head " moment to anyone else, but for me it was.
There was a time in my life when I questioned if our lives would ever be normal. My son was medically fragile and I wasn't sure we'd ever live the life others did. As he was diagnosed with Autism recently, I heard those questions again in my mind.
But last night, as we went house to house saying "tic teet" (trick or treat) and blowing kisses to each one who opened their door, I felt such peace. Life is normal, but also better than normal. Blowing kisses to a stranger isn't typical, but it's good. Grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the next house is what a lot of kids do, but for us it was a milestone. Asking for "one more" piece of candy after coming back inside is a battle for some but it made me smile. I'd had a perfectly normal evening....and I felt so blessed. Thank you Lord.
Today as I was mulling over all we've done and all that if forth coming, I was struck by a thought....this is all part of normal life. That might not seem like a "light bulb over the head " moment to anyone else, but for me it was.
There was a time in my life when I questioned if our lives would ever be normal. My son was medically fragile and I wasn't sure we'd ever live the life others did. As he was diagnosed with Autism recently, I heard those questions again in my mind.
But last night, as we went house to house saying "tic teet" (trick or treat) and blowing kisses to each one who opened their door, I felt such peace. Life is normal, but also better than normal. Blowing kisses to a stranger isn't typical, but it's good. Grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the next house is what a lot of kids do, but for us it was a milestone. Asking for "one more" piece of candy after coming back inside is a battle for some but it made me smile. I'd had a perfectly normal evening....and I felt so blessed. Thank you Lord.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Two thoughts
Last night I was watching a show on TV. The man on the show worked with youth, particularly college and high school age. He shared an interesting thought...there are 2 main demonic spirits that attack us. Insecurity and Inferiority. He said you can see them running rampant in most of the world, but particularly with the younger crowds. He also said that the other spirits draw their energy from those 2 main ones.
I've been mulling this over all day. It certainly is conceivable to me that this could be true. The question is how to overcome it..........
Interestingly enough, after listening to this show I was reading my Bible. The verse that stood out to me was Jeremiah 29:13-14 " When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed" (The Message). Maybe it's time to get serious.........
I've been mulling this over all day. It certainly is conceivable to me that this could be true. The question is how to overcome it..........
Interestingly enough, after listening to this show I was reading my Bible. The verse that stood out to me was Jeremiah 29:13-14 " When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed" (The Message). Maybe it's time to get serious.........
Friday, October 9, 2009
Praying for miracles
Anyone who knows me and my situation know that I have been praying for a particular miracle for over two years now. Sometimes I am sure it is coming right now. Other times I can't seem to muster any encouragement it is coming my way at all.
My friend Jennifer just posted a blog about a miracle she has been a part of. It totally renews my faith. Isn't it amazing that God can not only create a miracle for one person, but its effects rub off on other people?? It blows my mind that God is so huge that He can do it all!!!
Lord, thank you for making a difference in all our lives. And bless the one who needed the miracle to begin with.
My friend Jennifer just posted a blog about a miracle she has been a part of. It totally renews my faith. Isn't it amazing that God can not only create a miracle for one person, but its effects rub off on other people?? It blows my mind that God is so huge that He can do it all!!!
Lord, thank you for making a difference in all our lives. And bless the one who needed the miracle to begin with.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Swinging
As my son and I were outside today I got a picture of how God helps us....
We were swinging, my son on my lap. He held on to the ropes but I also held on to him. I envisioned this same scenario except it was me sitting on God's lap. I held on to the ropes so I felt like I had some control but also felt the safety of God's arms around me. When went high and low, fast and slow, straight and zig zag but He never let go of me. He never let me fall. Yes, my stomach felt queasy a few times when the swing went higher and higher but God just squeezed me tighter so I could feel His presence. When the ride was over, He set me down on the ground gently.
Thank you Lord for always holding me. And thank you for using something like a swing to make your presence known to me.
We were swinging, my son on my lap. He held on to the ropes but I also held on to him. I envisioned this same scenario except it was me sitting on God's lap. I held on to the ropes so I felt like I had some control but also felt the safety of God's arms around me. When went high and low, fast and slow, straight and zig zag but He never let go of me. He never let me fall. Yes, my stomach felt queasy a few times when the swing went higher and higher but God just squeezed me tighter so I could feel His presence. When the ride was over, He set me down on the ground gently.
Thank you Lord for always holding me. And thank you for using something like a swing to make your presence known to me.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Roller Coaster
Up and down. Up and down. Does anyone else's life seem like a roller coaster? Kind of ironic that I am terrified of that particular theme park ride....
I've just finished reading a book called "God Said Yes" by Heather Hornback-Bland. It's a story of a woman who has had well over 100 surgeries, divorced, miscarried... seems like if it was something bad, it has happened to her. As rough as her life was, she found strength in God. It's really an amazing story. And it's given me some fresh perspective on this roller coaster ride.
One of the points in her book was that we can tell God what we really think. We can be mad at Him. We can say we hate Him. We can scream and cry and moan to Him. He can take whatever we dish out. It's no surprise to Him. His shoulders are big enough to carry the load.
She also says that God doesn't owe us anything. At one point she thought she was being rewarded for her pain but the "reward" was then taken away. She couldn't understand it. But she came to learn that God gives gifts. He gives them freely, not as part of a reward system.
I knew these things already...really, I did. It was a bit strange to see them spelled out on the page I was reading. It was like the light bulb came on over my head (like you see in cartoons) but at the same time I was slapping myself in the forehead because I already knew it! God spoke to me in so many ways in this book. Please read it for yourself if you get the chance.
One thing I do know for sure...the ups and downs don't end. Sometimes I'm prepared for them and sometimes they sneak up on me. But I am learning to lean on the one who is always prepared. He is always there, knowing what will happen before it happens to me. He comforts, He loves, He provides. And I am forever grateful.
I've just finished reading a book called "God Said Yes" by Heather Hornback-Bland. It's a story of a woman who has had well over 100 surgeries, divorced, miscarried... seems like if it was something bad, it has happened to her. As rough as her life was, she found strength in God. It's really an amazing story. And it's given me some fresh perspective on this roller coaster ride.
One of the points in her book was that we can tell God what we really think. We can be mad at Him. We can say we hate Him. We can scream and cry and moan to Him. He can take whatever we dish out. It's no surprise to Him. His shoulders are big enough to carry the load.
She also says that God doesn't owe us anything. At one point she thought she was being rewarded for her pain but the "reward" was then taken away. She couldn't understand it. But she came to learn that God gives gifts. He gives them freely, not as part of a reward system.
I knew these things already...really, I did. It was a bit strange to see them spelled out on the page I was reading. It was like the light bulb came on over my head (like you see in cartoons) but at the same time I was slapping myself in the forehead because I already knew it! God spoke to me in so many ways in this book. Please read it for yourself if you get the chance.
One thing I do know for sure...the ups and downs don't end. Sometimes I'm prepared for them and sometimes they sneak up on me. But I am learning to lean on the one who is always prepared. He is always there, knowing what will happen before it happens to me. He comforts, He loves, He provides. And I am forever grateful.
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