Is it really 2016? I can't believe it! I think time just fast-forwards when I blink!
Well to catch up on the last six months (yep, it's been that long since I've written) I feel like so much has happened, yet so much has stayed the same. G is doing well. He's in 3rd grade, still in my classroom. This will be his last year with me as his teacher. Next year we will open our Upper Elementary classroom and he will move next door. I am looking forward to it because it is sometimes hard to be with each other 24 hours a day. But at the same time it makes me sad.My guy is growing up. As hard as it's been, it has also been incredible. Not many people can say that they know what happened in their child's day to that extent. It's helped a lot, especially as we navigate these emotional waters. I will be forever grateful for this opportunity. I had prayed to be G's teacher; to have him close, safe and protected as we dealt with those problems with his dad. God heard me and granted my request. I will always be in awe of a God who heard this Mama's plea and gave me what I asked for.
In my personal life, things have been like a roller coaster. The man I had last dated, D, continued to stay in contact with me even after we had broken up in October of 2014. We didn't see each other, but spoke through FaceBook and text message. After the break up, most of the communication was heated. I was so angry and so hurt. Weeks would go by in which I swore that I would never talk to him again, but when he'd text, I would break the promise to myself. He apologized profusely and professed his love to me. After almost a year, I started warming up to the idea of dating him again. I even confessed to him that I did still love him, I was just so hurt that I couldn't have let him back into my life before now. Something felt "off" to me though. There was just this nagging feeling that I couldn't shake. I did some research and found out he is married.
Married. Married. Married. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I could see the words on my computer, but just couldn't wrap my mind around it really. So I sent a simple text telling him I knew. A couple of days later, I sent a very long email to him also. It was meant to be more cathartic to me than actually a letter to him. It helped for a while, but there is one question I am still hoping to have answered. When? When did he get married? How long was I being played for a fool? How many days and months was I struggling with my feelings, wondering if I was the bad guy for not immediately giving him a second chance? When? Maybe I will find that out and I can have some closure. For now, I'm praying on it. A LOT!
This Christmas was great though. With the birth of my nephew back in February, we had a new family member to work into the traditions. We had planned for the whole family to meet at my parent's house at 8:00 on Christmas morning. So G and I decided we would exchange our gifts on Christmas Eve day. Santa would visit as usual (early but not too early) on Christmas morning and then it would be off to Nana and Papa's. It worked beautifully. G wasn't overwhelmed. He essentially had 3 rounds of Christmas gifts which gave him some down time in between. He really seemed to enjoy it more this way and it felt relaxed to me too.
I think my favorite moment came a week or so before Christmas though. I usually buy G a new ornament for our tree each year. This year I couldn't find one that I really like though. So I settled for an ornament from an Autism site that said "I love you to the moon and back". This is one of our favorite sayings but I didn't realize it meant as much to him as it does to me. When it came in the mail and he opened it, he was thrilled with it. He told me, "Even if I don't get anything else, this is the best thing ever. I love it." There were tears in his eyes as he said that. I felt like crying myself. That isn't a sentiment you hear from an 8 year old boy! I will forever treasure that memory.
So here we are at the beginning of a new year. I don't make resolutions or plan to do anything earth shattering this year. I am just going to focus on being the best mom, teacher, daughter, sister and friend I can be. As for my love life, I now joke that God will have to deliver a man to me so I can be sure he's the one meant for me. God has a sense of humor so maybe my future husband is the UPS man!
Happy New Year!
