It seems like I often start my posts with the idea of how long it's been since I've written. I think life slips by me and I don't make the time to sit down and write. Tonight I heard words that squeezed my heart and I want to be sure to remember them. I use the term "squeezed" because these words didn't 'grip' me in fear, they squeezed my heart like a warm embrace. He said the words, " I choose this."
Choices are made by each of us every day. Good or bad, we make choices from what to eat for lunch to what color shirt to wear. Most choices are fairly minimal or routine. Others not only affect us, but others as well. Tonight, his words spoke to me in a way no other words ever have.
To back up a bit, I'll tell you a little about him. D and I grew up in the same circle of friends. We actually attended the same high school for a few years. However, we don't remember each other at all from that time! We connected through a dating web site and hit it off right away. I actually contacted some mutual friends and asked what they thought of him (and it turns out he was doing the same thing on his end). He is tough looking on the outside with a heart of gold on the inside. He loves to hold hands and cuddle up...my favorite! He is also very interested in G and his activities. He has told me that he has researched Autism. He regularly questions G's actions, in a positive way, trying to understand G and what he can do to help. I have fallen in love with D.
We'd had a disagreement earlier in the week and didn't really resolve the issue. Tonight we actually argued about it. He left our house in a huff and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. I just knew that he was gone forever. After about 5 minutes, my phone rang. D was on the other end of the line. We did argue for a few minutes but we also cleared the air. I told him how much I hated that he left while he was upset. He told me that he was afraid of losing me. I voiced my fear that he would look at our life and all of our shit and realize that it was too much. After all, it wasn't his to deal with. His answer was, "I know it isn't mine, but I choose this."
Those words are seared on my heart. He has his eyes open wide and he chooses us. Not out of obligation but because he loves us and wants to be with us. I think I have waited my whole life to hear those words. I didn't know just how badly I wanted to hear it until tonight. He chooses us. He loves me. He loves G. He chooses us. My heart is beyond happy tonight.
