G threw a hissy fit tonight of epic proportions. He yelled, threw a pillow and stomped his way up the stairs as I sent him to bed for his behavior. Once he had calmed down, he actually began crying for a different reason. He said he was worried I wouldn't love him anymore.
Of course, I explained to him that there was nothing he could ever do to make me stop loving him. Nothing. No matter how many ugly things he did, no matter how many times he screamed at me, no matter how naughty he might be, I would always love him. It took a while to convince him that discipline didn't take away love.
Why is he is so insecure? Why does he doubt my love for him? As I thought about it more, I realized that I do the same thing with God. Things happen to me and I question his love. I wonder if the bad things that happen to me are the result of His disappointment in me. Why, if He loves me so much, does He allow the bad?
I still sit on the fence here honestly. While my head knows that I deserve discipline just like any child, my heart doesn't completely understand it. Are the 'bad' things really discipline? Or does He just choose to let them happen? Why does it seem like the people who try the hardest end up with the roughest road and the ones who act the worst have a charmed life?
I just want reassurance. I want to know that His love for me is unconditional. I want to believe there is a greater plan. I want Him to wrap His arms around me and tell me He will always love me, just like G.
I'm praying for the strength to hear His words, to see His love and to feel His arms.
