It's been awhile since I've written. I can't blame it on any one thing. I have been busy, I have done other things, I've been lazy. I've been upset. I've been upset at God. I've been upset at God so I've procrastinated in writing. There is the truth.
My last post was on a word I received from the Lord. On that day, I was so full of His spirit I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Day by day passed and I didn't see my miracle manifest. I expected it right away. After all, God had given me this word. He only speaks truth. I didn't want to doubt Him, but there it was...creeping into my mind. Maybe I had misunderstood. Maybe I wanted it so badly that I imagined it. Maybe it was a cruel joke. Maybe my miracle would never come.
Instead of turning to God I held back. I still prayed but without the passion I once had. I kept up in my day to day life with the thought in the back of my mind. Maybe this miracle wasn't for me.
Last night, I'd had enough. I finally recognized the enemy's attack. I poured out my heart to God. I openly admitted my fears. I asked again for my miracle. I prayed for covering over my son's life in a way that I haven't done in quite some time.
Then today, I began printing out some of these blogs on paper. I wanted my son to have a tangible record of my thoughts. I reread previous posts and realized again just how much God has brought us through. It was a bit strange to know that it was my own words sending encouragement my way.
So today I am struggling to let go of my fear. I am struggling to let go of my anger. I am struggling to increase my faith. I know that I know that I know that God grants miracles. I will desperately hold on to the word He has sent me...that our miracle is coming soon.
